Because You Loved Me
by kate213
Summary: An elderly Abby looks back on her life with Luka. Dedicated to all those Lubies out there!


DISCLAIMER: I don't own them, despite my devious plots to steal them

DISCLAIMER: I don't own them, despite my devious plots to steal them.They belong to the people at NBC, Michael Crichton, and whoever else actually owns them.I can only claim the characters that are obviously not on the show.I also don't own the song used in this fic.It is "Because You Loved Me" by Celine Dion.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Okay, so I know I should be working on my other fics, but I am suffering from major writer's block on those!Anyways, this is set way in the future.Abby and Luka are married and are in their late seventies.

BECAUSE YOU LOVED ME

For all those times you stood by me 

_For all the truth that you made me see_

_For all the joy you brought to my life_

_For all the wrong that you made right_

_For every dream you made come true_

_For all the love I found in you_

_I'll be forever grateful baby_

_You're the one who held me up, never let me fall_

_You're the one who saw me through it all_

We have come so long since our first meeting at County, haven't we?We were both so scared, so alone, so lost.I never thought I would love anyone again.But then you came along and, as you have done so many times since then, you surprised me.I had no choice, really, but to fall in love with you.Oh, I resisted.But in the end, you had a hold on me and there was no way I could have let go.

I remember the first time I saw you.You were standing by admit and some of the other nurses were not-so-subtly sizing you up.On a scale of one to ten.I secretly gave you an eleven, but they didn't need to know that!I think I was smitten since that first glance.But there was Richard, and Carol.We got off to a slow start because of the "others" in our lives, but once those relationships were over, I couldn't imagine ever being with anyone else.

Our first date.I hesitate writing this because I know the events of that night have haunted you for a long time.But, despite the circumstances, that was the first time I truly felt protected in my life.I will leave it at that, since I know that you don't want to recall too much of that night.But know this: you saved my life that night, and I don't mean just physically.Knowing that you would put your life on the line for me started to drag me out of the depths of self-loathing that I had been in for so long.

As our relationship progressed, I found myself pulling away from you.I was so frightened of the feelings I had for you – frightened that you would not reciprocate, that once you found out the truth about me you would hate me.But you were so persistent.And I was so scared.I remember the night I told you about my abortion.You cried.And then you held me.You told me that you loved me and nothing would ever change that.Now, if I close my eyes, I can still see you sitting on my couch, holding my hands, crying, forgiving, loving me despite it all.It was then that my heart began to fall into place again.I began to become whole once more.

You were my strength when I was weak 

_You were my voice when I couldn't speak_

_You were my eyes when I couldn't see_

_You saw the best there was in me_

_Lifted me up when I couldn't reach_

_You gave me faith cause you believed_

_I'm everything I am_

_Because you loved me_

The night you proposed was one of the happiest of my life.I remember coming home from my shift and finding you in my apartment, just sitting at the kitchen table.I really had no clue what you were going to do.You didn't even let me take off my coat, just knelt down in front of me and proposed.I felt bad later because I just stood there – what you must have thought!But really, you shocked me so much that my mind went blank.Of course, then I snapped out of it and said something really intelligent and romantic like, "yes!"And when you kissed me, I thought that my heart would explode with the happiness.That sounds cheesy, but it's really true.You made me so happy.

In the months after we got engaged I became one of those giddy girls that I had always looked down upon.I couldn't help smiling just at the mention of your name.What can I say?I was in love.I remember being surprised that I wasn't nervous on the day of our wedding.I had been shaking uncontrollably before getting married to Richard (maybe that was a sign), but all I felt with you was excitement and peace.When Eric walked me down the aisle towards you, I remember looking over the church at all our friends – and you - and being so glad that _this_ marriage would last.

Soon after we were married, you took me to Croatia.I was a little scared to go, to see this place that had been part of your life for so long, this place that I had no part of.I was scared to meet your father, who had known Danijela and Marco and Jasna.I was so worried that he would resent me, think that I was trying to replace your other family.But I shouldn't have worried.He called me "daughter" and thanked me for loving you.I think that was one of the best things anyone could have said to me right then.I know who you get your understanding nature from.I made a vow then that our children would always know about their half brother and sister, that they would always live in our hearts.

Our children.I can only smile as I write that.When I told you I was pregnant the first thing you did was kneel down and kiss my stomach.Then you actually opened the window of our bedroom and yelled to anyone who was listening, "I'm going to be a father!"I was so embarrassed, and surprised at that uncharacteristic outburst.But you were happy.Ecstatic.I was so grateful for that.It took me a bit longer to get up to your level of enthusiasm – I was still worried about not being a good mother, about making our children bipolar.But you gently and persistently convinced me that I had nothing to worry about, that we would love our children no matter what, that you would be there with me through it all.And when Alexander Luka Kovac was born, an early Christmas present on December 19, all my fears and all the pain vanished as I held our son for the first time.You kissed me, and you kissed Alex, and you promised that we would always be a family.You promised the same thing two years later when we saw our daughters, Sophia Christina and Sasha Maria, enter the world.You have given me so many precious gifts over the years, and I have a hard time choosing the one that I treasure the most.But certainly our beautiful children have been the most precious blessings I could ever hope for.Thank you for giving me our family.

You gave me wings and made me fly 

_You touched my hand I could touch the sky_

_I lost my faith you gave it back to me_

_You said no star was out of reach_

_You stood by me and I stood tall_

_I had your love I had it all_

_I'm grateful for each day you gave me_

_Maybe I don't know that much_

_But I know this much is true_

_I was blessed because I was loved by you_

The years went by so fast.Our children grew and grew, and soon it was time for girlfriends, and boyfriends, and colleges, and jobs, and fiancés, and spouses, and children of their own…Through it all, I never tired of going to bed next to you at night and waking up in your arms every morning.

That's not to say that we didn't have our share of hard times.The night we found out that Maggie had attempted suicide again – and succeeded – was the first major test of our marriage.I ran out and you ran after me, searching the entire city.You finally found me at a liquor store with a bottle of whiskey in my hand.I was so close to succumbing to my addiction again, but this time you were there.You literally wrestled me to the ground – in the middle of the store – to get the bottle from me.As you carried me from the cab into our house, I remember wondering why you ever married me, why you stayed.But you did.You stayed, and that has meant so much to me.

And then there was Sasha's pneumonia.We rushed her to County late at night when she couldn't breathe, her seven-year-old body struggling to survive.I never realized how horrible that place is when you're not working there, when your child is a patient there.So cold and uninviting.Even the doctors – I remember being so angry at Jing-Mei when she couldn't tell us much about our daughter's condition.I'm sure that we were the type of distraught parents that we ourselves dread coming into the ER, but somehow it all changes when it's your child lying there.You held me so tight as we both cried, and didn't let go until we got the word from Dr. Greene that Sash was stable.It is your constant presence that I remember most about that night.

There are countless other moments in our life together that I will always remember.You have been my strength, my savior, my comfort, my best friend for so many years and I am forever thankful for your love.You have given me so much, more than I deserve, and I only hope that I have been able to show you how much I love you.

You were always there for me 

_The tender wind that carried me_

_A light in the dark shining your love into my life_

_You've been my inspiration_

_Through the lies you were the truth_

_My world is a better place because of you_

Now as I sit here beside your bed, I am frightened that I may have to face life without you.The doctor – someone young, I don't know him, and he doesn't even know that we used to work here – has told me not to expect you to live through the night.This last heart attack was too much for your body, I suppose.And so I am frightened.I do not know how to live without you.And then, I feel you squeeze my hand.Maybe I imagined it, because the doctor said you would not be able to respond to my touch.But I know I felt it.And I know that it was you, reminding me that you will always be here with me.And I feel a peace slowly make its way into my heart – a peace that I have only ever felt in your presence.Even in your last hours, you are taking care of me, loving me, comforting me.I will hold this moment in my heart for the rest of my life, remembering and cherishing our love.

I'm everything I am Because you loved me 

Goodbye, my Luka, my love, my life.

THE END


End file.
